A Binary State

Playing a numbers game where every word counts.

“Counting from 5 to 0 is my favorite sequence of numbers. Did you know that? Must come from all the suspense-building TV shows and movies that use it. Counting down before that big explosion, before a threat is carried out, before something terribly exciting happens. And sort of like that distinction where people count to three, but someone is confused on whether something happens on three, or right after three, I get confused with which is supposed to be the final number to count on, between 1 and 0.”

“I mean I think most people prefer zero, but sometimes people do something at one. I’ve never seen anyone say that either number is set in stone, and some who count won’t say which number, leaving me perplexed. I asked someone who was a therapist or something where you use hypnosis, and they told me that in their experience, 0 is the number to count on, pun intended. I guess that makes sense since 0 is an empty number, and people look empty when they’ve been hypnotized. But I found that distinction interesting though; from one number to the next makes such a difference.”

“Like, I could count from 5, followed by 4, followed by 3, followed by 2, followed by 1, and finally, 0. Just a digit change makes a world of difference to someone. Mathematicians, gamblers, wall-street guys, even random everyday people in the right circumstance, numbers can change our lives. And you might think that in my count, nothing really happened to prove my point.”

“Well, did nothing happen? Are you sure nothing went on? Maybe there was something you missed in that count? I’m asking you because I’m curious about that too. Maybe we’re missing something, but it could be nothing. Let’s try it again to see. Starting at 5, descending to 4, downward to 3, dipping to 2, dropping to 1, and diving to 0. Nothing again? Are you sure? I swear something is going on, but it could be my imagination. And yes, I know my imagination is pretty active. And yes, I know something will eventually happen if I keep counting, by the law of averages. But an average girl like me is bound to win something. So let’s see.”

“The declivity clearly states 5 will be the number from which a declination starts, then it will face diminution at 4, and signs of a recessive downward spiral continue at 3, like the fear of temperatures dipping to 2 degrees celsius, dwindling even further to 1, before the downgrade becomes complete at 0, said the girl with the stuffy British accent.”

“But that terrible accent will start to decline at 5, descending to 4, downward to 3, dipping to 2, dropping to 1, diving to 0.”

“And maybe with that accent, the deadpan seriousness will die as I indulge in how fun it is to talk about numbers that decline from 5, descent at 4, downward to 3, dipping at 2, dropping past 1 to dive into 0.”

“And I get so lost in this that I can’t help but lower my voice almost down a whisper, just a trace of a nice voice your so in-tune with as the counting continues as if drowsily from 5, descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, dropping past 1, diving right into a 0.”

“And I just love getting into groves like this, where I keep this low voice, where I can’t stop speaking in this suggestive tone, maybe murmuring innuendos to anyone who will listen, who are so in-tune and can’t stop themselves from listening as the numbers dance along to the tune of 5, descending at 4, on a downward spiral to 3, dipping into a warmth that is 2, like everything else is dropping of the face of the planet in 1 fell swoop, while you dive right into that nice little 0.”

“Still nothing? Not even a response for me? That’s ok. The therapist I told you about told me something like this might happen. Like I said, law of averages, and girls winning; just things that are bound to happen. The more that therapist talked about the counting from 5 to 0, the more fascinating the conversation got, where they thought I was on to something. They asked me if I liked binary, which I happened to, and after explaining why, nothing could remove the grin from my face as I immediately saw their point.”

“To sort of explain it, even though it has to do with binary, it starts with the numbers 0 and 5, polar opposites in this context, because we start and 5 where everything seems normal, and then 0 where something, or ‘nothing’ happens. We left off at 0 and you’re in kind of a nothing-mode, a nice little setting where nothing is bothering you, nothing disturbing you, nothing making you feel bad or wrong. 0 makes you feel good, it takes you down to the basics, just gently breathing like you are, smiling gently inside and out like you are, ears wide open, listening to my voice like you are.”

“This is 0. You like 0, and it’s so different from 5, because 5 was before 0, where things were still around, when you were aware of more, when there was something instead of that sweet nothing. 5 isn’t bad, it’s just plain and normal. And after a 0, things always eventually reset back to 5, like they were, like you never left 5, like you were never aware of the effect 0 had on you, but knowing that 5 eventually leads to 0, and you’re happy to hear that 5 because you know what comes after. A 4, a 3, a 2, a 1, and that even stronger sense of 0, just breathing, smiling, listening. I guess you were right to expect ‘nothing’ from this, heh. But as I mention 5 to you, you come back to that normal, still unaware of what 0 does to you in sequence. 5 is normal, and you come back to it when you hear it from me, because 5 is normal and aware, isn’t it?”

“What? I said 5 is normal, isn’t it? Yeah, just a normal number. What? You’re wondering why we were talking about it. Yeah, we were just doing that silly counting thing. Remember? Drowsily declining from 5, descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, dropping past 1, diving right into 0. Yeah, exactly. 0. That nothing we were discussing. Nothing wrong, nothing to do but listen, nothing to want but more numbers, right? That’s what that smile is telling me, so we’ll take it back where we started to 5. How about that?”

“That?” You’re asking what’s ‘that?’ I don’t know. If I had to guess it was the counting thing we’ve been doing for the past 5 minutes. No, wait, 4 minutes. No, it couldn’t have been that long. 3 minutes. Wait what does your watch say? Wow, 2 two minutes. Funny all this time it’s felt like just one minute. Did it feel like no time at all to you? What’s ‘no time’ numerically? Correct. 0. Time flies when you’re having nothing. But fun. Which is a little ironic, with all this counting, you’d think we’d be keeping track of time. But I now, so hard to think about time when you’ve got 0, zilch, nada, nothing on your mind. And if I may say so, it suits you quite well. But suiting you or not, I can tell part of you is going to get a little confused when things return to normal. And since normal corresponds with 5, I think…”

“What? Yeah I said normal. Why? You felt like you passed out? I said that was normal. It is, just small parts of the day when our brains flicker, as if going through a glitch, but it’s just sorting stuff out inside. Nothing to really worry about. Yeah, you had one, or a few I think. Trust me, it’s ok. First one lasted only about 5 seconds, like losing a thought you were trying to hold onto. One was even shorter, like 4 seconds, probably a thought that wasn’t all that important. Anything like 3 seconds or lower isn’t worth the trace of worry I see written in that sleepy head. Yeah, sleepy. 2 seconds and you wouldn’t even be aware of it. 1 measly second isn’t even scientifically recorded I bet, because it’s nothing. Oh wait, that’s 0. Mmmhmmm. Yes, that 0. That one you’ve been freely diving into the past…you really do lose time when you’re having fun. 0 is just all around you, in you, keeping you safe, using my voice as a bed to rest and smile yourself to sleep on. Because really, it’s my voice that’s the special ingredient in all this. Only when I count, only when I’m engaging you with a count from 5 to 0 do you truly get to enjoy the simplistic beauty of 0. And the next time things become normal, I wonder if you’re going to like how I count next. Because it still resets to 5…”

“Huh? I said 5. Because you wanted to hear me say 5. Because you know what comes next. Descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, dropping to 1. Yeah, just like that right? What? There’s more? I know, I’m just kidding, but we’ve been doing the same count over and over, I thought I’d change it up a bit. 1 felt like a good place to stop. What? You disagree? Wanted me to go all the way? I mean I can if you want. Ok, let’s take it from the top. Declining from 5, descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, dropping past 1, diving right into 0. I admit, that does make it feel more complete. A sense of finality all the way to that bottom, where I’ve dropped you off. Where I can pick you back up to start declining from 5, descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, and dropping past 1. Fun right? Not like that? Not like declining from 5, descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, and dropping past 1? You sure? You look a little bothered, as if you want more. Yeah? What do you want? Oh, that. Well, I was afraid of things getting a little monotonous, but ok. Declining from 5, descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, and dropping past 1…diving right into that 0.”

“That’s right. Because that’s where you want to be, nowhere, nothing but my voice saying 0 to you. Ingrained into you like your favorite food, responding eagerly to it every time. That’s your fun, and what fun it is. My fun is a little different though. Like I told you about that therapist and talk of binary. Binary, mathematically is made up of 1s and 0s, constructing a pattern. Sometimes a random patter, sometimes a deliberate pattern. It’s like me reading code, or in my case writing it. Using binary, I’ve got you in a state of helpless wanting. That count leading to end with one number or the other programs you. Going back to 5 descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, and dropping past 1, you wake up again, and feel yourself on that edge, waiting for the next number, every part of you ready for it. And if that next number is 5 descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, and dropping past 1, you’re in the same state of anticipation, ready to hear it, but also ready and willing to do anything I want, or anything you can to hear that last number.”

“I know, I know, such a need in you. Thoughts already racing to see how I can be persuaded to say the last number. Compliments, maybe? Gift-giving, perhaps? Doing little jobs for me wouldn’t be out of the question, would it? And it’s funny how none of the persuading needs to come from you as me saying declining from 5, descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, dropping past 1, diving right into 0 is persuasive enough, to bring you back into this nothingness where all there is is a small sense of yourself and my voice. And if my voice asked for your car keys, guess what your hands would be doing? Exactly, fishing for those keys and placing them right in my hands. 0 reasons to complain about that. And if I told you to do something slightly embarrassing, like get down on your knees in-front of me, if this was a level 5-normal kind of circumstance, you’d laugh in my face. But even 5 has a way of descending at 4, down past 3, dipping past 2, dropping past 1, diving headlong into that 0 you love, which feels like those knees bending and rest on the them because I asked you nicely.”

“I have no idea if the code I’m writing with these 1s and 0s has any intended value other than loving the power of teasing you with a fall you desperately want and can’t get without me, but the unintended is a great throwback, left in a little endless brainwashing loop, the simplest numbers known to man bringing man to his knees. I suspect we’ll be doing this for a while. I also suspect neither of us we’ll get tired of this anytime soon; I’m rather confident that I can speak for both of us in that regard. On that note, I miss some of the dialog we’ve been having, so let’s bring things back to normal, shall we?”

“Hey, welcome back sleepy head. Yeah, you just look sleepy. What were we doing? Just a fun numbers game I was telling you about. Oh, it was fun, even if you fell asleep on it? What? Prove it was fun? So eager…I mean, ask and ye shall receive.

“What’s 5 times 1? I know, really hard. 5, yeah. Now what’s 5 times 0? I know, really hard to say anything now. So let me answer for you. 0.”

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